| 11/2/10
Paranoid Personality Disorder:Low
Schizoid Personality Disorder:High
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:Very High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:Low
Histrionic Personality Disorder:Low
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:High
Dependent Personality Disorder:High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:High

-- Take the Personality Disorder Test --
-- Personality Disorder Info --

Travel Diary Part 3: March 1

| 3/1/10
Downloaded the Joanna Newsom record last night, couldn't wait any longer, I feel good about life now. I'm going to play with cats for 2 hours and then head to the airport.

Started a tumblr.

Travel Diary Part 2: February 27-28

| 2/28/10
The show at Il Motore was incredible, so many Halifax ex-pats. Being surrounded by people you know when in a different city is always pretty amazing. North of America were in fine form, the crowd was way more energetic than at the show in Toronto, everyone was losing it and it was great. Rockets Red Glare were possibly the tightest band I've ever seen, the drumming especially was pretty unbelievable.

The show was over relatively early, around one if I recall, but the fun was said to be continuing all night. I really wanted to stay out, but after my ordeal in Toronto I felt it would be best to get some sleep. Lucky for me the Metro was running all night for Nuit Blanche, making the trip back to Rose and Lindsay's much easier. At one point I fell asleep in the subway car while I was the only person in it. I awoke to a guy sitting directly across from me in the car, which I found unsettling at best. Sleep came quickly, after playing with the cats I crashed pretty hard.

Today was a good day for catching up, playing video games and talking about girls. I really like Montreal and really wish my stay here was just a bit longer, that being said though, I'm really looking forward to being in Orlando and away from all this snow.

Travel Diary Part 1: February 24 - 27

| 2/27/10
In typical fashion I elected not to sleep the night of the 23rd for fear of missing my flight the next morning. I checked in, boarded and got situated pretty quickly. Lack of sleep the night before meant falling asleep on the plane effortlessly.

I woke up just as the plane was descending. It was snowing pretty hard in Montreal and I definitely did not pack appropriately. Being a smart person I decided just to get on the first bus I saw upon leaving the airport, logic stated that it would eventually end up at a metro station, and I'd be fine from there.

I ended up in Dorval.

Fucking Dorval.

I called Sarah and she did some Google-mapping and figured out how to get me into the city. Keeping in mind, it's snowing really really crazy. At the Papineau bus station I run into some people from home who by coincidence were in Montreal. I knew that Lindsay was working until 3, so I do the logical thing, go hang out at work.

I head back down the street to where Rose and Lindsay live, I start freaking out because I can't find it. By this point I'm cold and soaked. I see Rose leaving her apartment though and she lets me in. I make the decision to head to Toronto the next morning, the internet says tickets are $28, so I figure it's all good. Are You Afraid of the Dark followed by and early night ensue.

The bus leaves at 7:30 am. I go to the desk to buy a ticket.

"That will be $104.40"

I recoil in fear, then go to another booth and lie and say I'm a student, I get questioned about my ID but simply say I left it in Halifax, the con works. I left my i-pod in Montreal (why?) so the bus ride is un-fucking-bearable. I spend most of the trip riding poetry in my head, trying to sleep, and reading the people around me's text messages as they write them.

We arrive in Toronto around 2, hang out for a bit and go for food. I make plans to meet up with a former coworker. I drink a bottle of red wine. Other friends are staying at a hotel nearby so I head there. I drink another bottle of red wine. Sometime before midnight I head to some party in an alley to meet up with Gerry et al. The party isn't really that fun, I'm really tired and in a really sluggish drunk. I wind up back at the Primrose Best Western and sleep on the floor.

Friday morning I eat Subway for breakfast and then wash my entire body with hand sanitizer in a coffee shop bathroom. I meet up with Rose, Lindsay and Jenn again in the afternoon. We eat pie and "play" Jenga. After an evening of floating around I head to the Silver Dollar for the North of America show, finally. I miss most of the first band (Boars) but see all of Germans' set. They were a lot synthier than I remember. Then the Norts play and it's spot on and awesome.

Around 3:30 I decide I should try to sleep at the Best Western again. I call the people in the room to no avail, then I pretend to be one of them at the front desk, but that also fails. It's after 4 at this point, and I have to meet my ride back to Montreal at 9, so I do the most obvious thing. Spend the fucking night wandering Toronto. I passed a bunch of prostitutes on Carleton and am asked if I "want some company", I respond by saying "I like boys", it seems like the easiest out.

I pick up a copy of the New Yorker at a 7/11 and decide to read it in the Second Cup in the hospital. It is important to note that I look fucking crazy at this point.

Somehow I made it through the night and was able to sleep the entire drive from Toronto back to Montreal. I fed Rose and Lindsay's cats and got my first shower since Tuesday.

North of America at Il Motore tonight with Rockets Red Glare, should be a shitshow.
| 2/9/10
It was all the the way that she died
shivering and white
stiff body revealed in the hills by the northern lights
so we crept up through the cliffs and found her laying there cold in the night
But the moon's glaring absence told us to stay
and your voice in the trees seemed to say
"Oh keep away the wolves, it's dark in these mountains, and my life has gone still, my body won't last through the night if you don't stay with me in these hills"
| 1/14/10

Imagine my surprise

| 6/25/09
Ever have one of those days where you found out the source of all your insecurities has been occupying a space less than a block away from you for the past two years?

I used to run this town

| 6/24/09
| 6/22/09
Praised be man, he is existing in milk
and living in lillies-
And his violin music takes place in milk
and creamy emptiness-
Praised be the unfolded inside petal
flesh of tend'rest thought-
(petrels on the follying
wave-valleys idly
sing themselves asleep)-
Praised be delusion, the ripple-
Praised be the Holy Ocean of Eternity-
Praised be I, writing, dead already &
dead again-
Dipped in ancid inkl
the flamd
of T i m
the Anglo Oglo Saxon Maneuvers
Of Old Poet-o's-
Praised be wood, it is milk-
Praised be Honey at the Source-
Praised be the embrace of soft sleep
-the valor of angels in valleys
of hell on earth below-
Praised be the Non ending-
Praised be the lights of earth-man-
Praised be the watchers-
Praised be my fellow man
For dwelling in milk

228th Chorus, from Mexico City Blues,
by Jack Kerouac

Please channel the following.


Buffalo Springfield

From the start.

Whenever it rains I totally lose my motivation to do anything at all, this is especially bothersome when I have days off. Bearing this in mind, I still am hoping to be constructive tomorrow, hopefully to make up for the lack of any real productive behaviour in the past month or so. Gonna do some cleaning, dump some tapes, get rid of some stuff. Everything has to be a big to do.

On Friday Night I set a lot of my body/clothing on fire.

The University of King's College has waitlisted me, silver linings and all. This means I'm not as stupid as I once thought, but it backs up that I'm just about as lazy I thought.

I applied for a job in LA, just sort of as a feeler to see what would happen. Could make for a funny story I guess, country boy in the big city.

I had a lot more to say when I started this, I thought so anyway. Drifting. Some weird dream where I'm the same age as everyone. Something like that. Non sequential blogging. Excited for the summer. Word is bond.


There's a lesson in this.

| 4/22/09
I'm sure of it.

Two Things.

| 4/15/09
Thing one:

Happy 60th Birthday to KPFA, the first listener supported public broadcaster in the United States. Public broadcasting rules.

Thing two:

This video also rules.

April 11.

| 4/14/09
I realize that it's Tuesday night now, but this is a reflection on the events of Saturday April 11, as interpreted by Tuesday night me.

I spent Saturday from the time I woke up until about 4 pm tired, sick and weary of the rain outside. At 4 Alex picked me up to go to Sackville to see every band ever play in what would be one of the more tumultuous life music experiences of my life thus far. There is only so much loud music I can handle at one single time, and after about 3 hours my patience has usually worn thin. This particular show though spanned a whopping 5 hours. Yeah, 5. F-I-V-E. At about 10:30 Amir and I had had about enough of Sackville and decided to forgo our arranged drives and try to catch a bus back into town. Due to some schedule misreading our plain failed, and it became obvious that Sackville was in fact, a vortex, we would be allowed to leave when Sackville saw so fit. By about 11:30 or so we were finally clear for takeoff and booted from bagtown.

Amir and I had our sights set on the Blue Canoe, a haven for cigarettes and cash back. When inside we were met with a party bus, after establishing that we had "legit glasses" one of the aforementioned bus partiers invited us to take a ride on the wild side. We had plans though, and unfortunately had to turn down his offer.

Alex quickly scooted us down the PARAGON THEATRE, where we waited outside in the rain to boogy down at retro night. This was an interesting experience, being my first time inside the Paragon theatre.

CONS of the Paragon:

- We waited seriously like 35 minutes to get inside, most of that time was spent waiting to pay cover, crazy.

-Between the cover and the MANDATORY coat check, I paid $9 to get in, $9. I paid $9 to watch two guys (and this is no discredit to Aaron or Darryl) play music off of their macbooks. I felt a little bit ripped off.

- The Paragon looks weird. None of the renovations really made sense to me. It just seemed like a bunch of walls put up in really impractical places. The Marquee always in my mind stood as the one larger venue in the city short of being like the Cunard Centre or something, the renovations have effectively cut in half the buildings capacity. WEIRD.

PROS of The Paragon Theatre:

- The girl at one of the bars gave me free 7-Up, that is big points in my book.

- Also, all the soda was in decanters, it was super cute.

All of my pros deal with soda. I love soda.

I got home around 2:30. It was the earliest I've been home all week. I was already in a bit of a downer mood and came home to find an empty house. Making it the earliest all week that I've just been by myself. It was the only real point in the entire week that I allowed my constant barrage of distractions to cease, it made me feel pretty alone.

Really really alone.

The theme for Saturday was isolation.

Such Blinding Stars For Starving Eyes

| 4/5/09
I'm doing one of those things where I post more videos that I think people should watch.

Belle and Sebastian - The Boy With the Arab Strap

Sonic Youth - Schizophrenia

Dr. Dog - The Breeze

The Good Life - Inmates

One Hundred and Two

| 4/4/09
Ah me! Ah me!
Fair progeny
That many-childed Tethys brought to birth,
Fathered of Ocean old
Whose sleepless stream is rolled
Round the vast shores of earth
Look on me! Look upon these chains
Wherein I hang fast held
On rocks high-pinnacled,
My dungeon and my tower of dole,
Where o'er the abyss my soul,
Sad warder, her unwearied watch sustains!

It's easy to get stuck in life, comfort and safety lead to contentment, which leads to boredom. I never want to be completely content with my life, the day I'm completely at ease will be the day I completely stop caring, hopefully that will never happen.

As it stands though, my contentment trumps my motivation. I think I need something drastic to happen to make me a little bit more desperate for change.

For stealing fire and enlightening man kind, Prometheus was punished to stay bound to a rock in the Caucasus mountains for eternity. Everyday his liver would be eaten by an eagle, only to regenerate before the next day. Prometheus was blessed with the gift of foresight, and new that his chains would one day be broken, he took solace in this knowledge, and the knowledge that nothing lasts forever, no matter who says so.

In that same way, I think it's important for people to remember in times of distress or discontent that all things must some day end, and no situation is beyond repair.

That said, I still fucking hate going to work.

One Hundred and One

It's grey and damp but mild outside, I'm procrastinating again.

In like a lion, out like a lamb.

| 3/29/09
I like the spring.

I went to Toronto last weekend, it was fantastic. Spent four days with all my favorite Sydney ex-pats and burned through a crazy amount of money. I was super impressed by Toronto and will be back very soon.

Meanwhile back in this quiet port city, spring is finally upon us. The last two days have been brilliantly mild, in my head I'm already planning out the adventures that April and May have in store.

I'm going to try, at least once, to walk all the way from my house at 6015 Willow street, all the way to Fisherman's Wharf in Eastern Passage, I figure it's probably about a 3 hour walk, which isn't that bad at all.

Side note: After ignoring the Velvet Underground for my entire life, I've finally seen the light. Holy fuck.


Stupid things you've done lately...

| 3/18/09
For me?

1. Today I put my underwear on backwards by accident, I quickly corrected but, DOY.

2. Washed my sheets and pillowcases at my grandmother's house, but forgot to go pick them up after work. I'm going to sleep on a plain mattress tonight, that's weird.

3. I booked a flight to Toronto to see Gaslight Anthem, only to realize just now that I get into Toronto the night after they play. I'm a fucking idiot.


| 3/11/09
There is something sobering about a late winter burst of snow. I've been getting pretty antsy lately, thinking too much and not acting enough, thinking mostly about things that have little to no bearing on the more practical parts of my life.

This is my first blog entry in some time.

In my mind I've been dealing a lot lately with the concept of God, and the place that God occupies in society. I think I've reached a point in my life where I can see without hesitation that I have relinquished the idea of God existing. I don't think that a person can really be an atheist, it isn't a belief system at all, but for arguments sake I suppose it is the most apt terminology. I'm taking this with a grain of salt and hoping it can change my outlook on life.

Scientists can now see galaxies up to 12 billion light years away, that's crazy. Proportionately, everything that I do, fuck, even everything that everyone on the entire planet does is completely inconsequential, yet we continue on and put weight and gravity into things that are mundane and pointless when compared against the big picture. I think that's awesome. Life rules.

This is really weighty and will probably make everyone hate me and I should probably just let it be.

...there is no all-seeing all-loving God who keeps us free from harm. But atheism is not a recipe for despair; I think the opposite. By disclaiming the idea of a next life, we can take more excitement in this one. The here-and-now is not something to be endured before eternal bliss or damnation. The here-and-now is all we have: an inspiration to make the most of it.

So atheism is life-affirming in a way religion can never be. Look around you; nature demands our attention, begs us to explore, to question. Religion can provide only facile, ultimately unsatisfying answers. Science, in constantly seeking real explanations, reveals the true majesty of our world in all its complexity. People sometimes say: there must be more than just this world, just this life.

But how much more do you want?

-Richard Dawkins The Root of All Evil: The Virus of Faith

I decided to go home and visit my family tonight, they've just returned from three weeks in Florida and I haven't seen them since. I do miss people from time to time. The weather wasn't too bad on my way to Cole Harbour, but while there the snow kicked up into a full blown winter storm. My parents were too tired from their trip to want to drive me home, and I didn't really feel like spending the night so I decided to brave the storm and get the bus.

I hate the way suburban homes built in the 80s look. I think that vinyl siding is just the ugliest thing in the entire world, everything looks so sterile. These kind of homes seem so detatched and standardized, no heart in them at all. Things like that make me feel uncomfortable for some reason.

So I walked cold feet and all between the stale suburban architecture, contemplating my place in the universe and the universe's place in me. I was wet and cold and tired, and I just wanted to go home. I missed the bus. ugh. Luckily my sister drove by and offered to drive me to the bridge.

I hate the winter.

Like A Book