B-Sides

Good Friday, all I want to do is buy some groceries, that's all.

Instead I'm going to spend the entire day listening to hours and hours of Sloan B-sides and Live Bootlegs.

-A

For Fuck's Sakes

Corner Gas is the worst show ever.

I think I anti-laughed.

-A

Week in review -OR- How I Spent my Spring Vacation

I always do it too much.

I'm not dwelling so much on specific events as I am on specific moods/feelings/ideas. Quitting my job was kind of the first big launch off to war for the week, and kinda set the tone for everything to follow. For the first time in my life, I'm completely unsure what's going to happen to me, I have just enough money put aside to pay my rent from now until June, after that I'm really really really hoping that the combination of education and nepotism come through for me. The idea of being unemployed is entirely fucking radical though.

This week was full of spending time with my friends, which is something I'd been neglecting a lot lately, so I'm glad I had that. Making new friends is awesome, and I established some things with some people this week that I'm happy about. I also got to see one of the best speaking engagements ever as given by KRS-One, he talked a lot about Newtonian Mechanics and Quantum Physics and God and how they all relate to hip-hop, it was pretty amazing.

This was also one of those weeks when you want really hard to be able to be there for people, but as a dumb kid you have no real way to. I have this problem where I want to be able to be supportive, but I'm so passive aggressive and shy and awkward that I never really know how to be. My great-aunt died this past Friday, which really put a damper on my entire weekend. Knowing how much it upset my grandmother made is a lot worse.

Speaking of family, I think I fully realized how awesome and supportive and generous my family and friends are. I don't think that a person is defined solely by the company he/she keeps, but rather by the strength of the relationships they form. I think the people in my life are the most worthwhile thing I have going for me, if you're reading this, you know who you are, you know I love you, and you don't know how much I really do appreciate everything you do.

Tomorrow I'm going to go back to school, I'm a bit worried that I'm not doing that well. The next month has to be me trying as hard as I possibly can to do as well as I possibly can. April is going to be the month I really try hard to grow up. Holding on to being sixteen, despite what John Mellencamp thinks, probably isn't the best thing for everyone.

I need to make an Easter mix cd for my Easter party. I think it's going to be the following songs, in no order....

Vince Guaraldi Trio - Linus and Lucy
Sonic Youth - Do You Believe in Rapture
Modest Mouse - Jesus Christ Was An Only Child
Nas - The Cross
Wilco - Jesus Etc

I'll think of more.

I'm tired.

-A

I just moved my bed.

I think it's in a better place now.

When I Was a Little Kid

I used to have a problem with reoccurring nightmares. All of these nightmares revolved around the same man, he was a tall pale man with scraggly who somehow would find his way into my bedroom. For the most part, there were two different dreams.

In one of them, he would strangle me until I managed to push him away long enough to run. I would instinctively run into my parent's room and hide under my bed. While under the bed I always noticed that the TV was on and, fearing he would see the cathode glow, would turn it off. Turning the TV off would make him aware of my location and he'd find and kill me. In the second dream he would have a big western-y coat on and have a pack of dogs with him, I would be hiding somewhere in my room and eventually the dogs would find me, and he'd finish me.

I've gone the last twelve years without having either of these dreams. Last night while lying in bed I looked to my right and saw the face in my closet, I was paralyzed, couldn't make a sound, move a muscle or close my eyes, it just stared me down. When I finally broke the stare I noticed there were rats all at the foot of my bed and threw off my blankets and screamed, at which point the dream ended.

I didn't really fall back to sleep and now I'm nervous.

-A

This is a joke, I'm a genius

Sometimes getting back in the saddle and getting off your g-d-f'n high horse are more closely related then you might think. Seeing as it's the new year I've made up some potential living strategies (not resolutions) that will help me in the coming year. I think that maybe I've hit the part of my life where I need to start acting like an adult instead of like whatever I've been acting like. I've been holding fast to 16 but it's getting boring.

I've spent the last three weeks essentially doing nothing, like literally, three weeks of nothing.. During this brief period of purposelessness I came to realize something about myself, as much as I try to pretend that I'm spontaneous and fun and some sort of free spirit little punk rock shit disturber I really just crave consistency and routine, that sucks. I'm sure if super cool super idealistic 15 year old me heard me saying this he'd probably make fun of me and call me a sell out.

Last week the most important band of my teenage years ceased to be. In it's own way, I think this marks a rite of passage for me, we'll see though.

Ugh ugh.

I bought a candle last night, and some toothpaste (it was on sale) and some cough syrup. I feel accomplished, watch out world.

Wishing for the days
When I first wore this suit
Baby has grown older,
It's no longer cute
Too many voices
They've made me mute
Baby has grown ugly,
It's no longer cute

But I stay on, I stay on
Where do I get off?
On to greener pastures
The core has gotten soft

Look at us today
We've gotten soft and fat
Waiting for the moment,
It's just no coming back
So serious
About the stuff we lack
Dwell upon our memories
But there are no facts

Today marks....

The sixth day in a row that I've slept until 1 in the afternoon, this is a troubling trend. I think I've just totally lost any motivation to wake up at all.

Great.

Just great.

I'll tell you stage dives...

Make me feel more alive
Than coded messages in slowed down songs

This was one of those weekends that reaffirmed a lot for me. I love this city, I love this scene. I'm content. When I look back at my teenage years some day, when I'm old, Risky Business will without a doubt stand out as the single most important band of this part of my life. I honestly have no idea where I'd be in life or anything without that band.Thank you Mike, Dave, Mike, Ian and JD, you guys opened up my eyes to something that I will be a part of for the rest of my life, Risky Business meant the entire world to me.

In other non hardcore related news...

I'm moving back to Willow. The rent is a little bit higher but it's totally worth the convenience of being really close to everything I do. I'm pleased with it. Christmas was good, just getting home for a few days and having no real commitments was really nice. I went to midnight mass, this was the first time I had ever done this. It was kind of cool, but I couldn't hep but feel awkward sitting there alone.

I'm really tired, I lost my voice, and I think I sprained my ankle. Life rules.

-Andrew

The boys of the NYPD choir

Were singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

Articles of Faith

***DISCLAIMER, I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH ANY RELIGION WHATSOEVER***

On my way home from work today, I got stopped on the street by Mormons. The two of them asked me lots of questions about the meaning of life and my personal beliefs on God and creation and stuff like that. These are things that I've spent the last four or five years not really caring about. I've always had a deeply personal idea of what God means, and I've always been aware of the place that God has in my life. Conceptually I am comforted by the idea that something exists that is greater than me. I like the idea of faith. The main point of contention between these young men and myself was without a doubt "proof" of God existing. I don't think that any one person or group of people should say whether or not God definitely exists. Faith in something that is logically impossible is really the most important part of any spiritual belief, and shouldn't face jurisdiction from any kind of anecdotal evidence.

I hate Christmas break.

Last night I came to realize something that I've sort of forgotten about over the last nine or so months. I think this marks an important step in my life where I've gotten over romanticizing ideas in my head. I'm glad I'm back.

-Andrew


(This was a shitty entry)

FOLLOW-UP

It is now 7:11 on Christmas Eve, I've decided that to further my search for something I will go to Church of my own accord tonight for the first time probably ever.

Will blog with findings.

-A

What A Prude!!

Seriously Dave? You're forcing a belief system on a bunch of rodents, then giving them presents for something they don't understand and really have no part of, THEN GETTING ANGRY WHEN THEY OPEN THEM EARLY.

You're a real piece of work Dave.

A real piece of work.

-A

I Think Pitchfork is kinda lame.

I was born on the fifth of June, 1988, in Sydney Cape Breton, a happy healthy 7 pound bundle of fun. When I was 7 my family packed our lives into a truck and looked towards the golden land of Halifax. I spent elementary school being an awkward fat nerdy kid who acted obnoxiously to get over being an awkward fat nerdy kid. When I was 11 I discovered Weezer. When I was 12 I discovered Blink 182. I spent a brief period of time in grade 7 listening to a lot of shitty shitty shitty rap rock and nu-metal. In Grade 8 I heard Black Flag for the first time, and then a few months later saw the video for "Invalid Litter Dept." by At The Drive-In on Much Music. That one song changed all the preconceptions I had about music. I started playing bass. I 'm still not very good at it. I started playing guitar the next year, once again, not very good.

In highschool I became fully immersed in music, and eventually wormed my way into the local scene thanks to a handful of people who were really receptive and welcoming to a fat awkward nerdy teenager. I spent the rest of highschool not caring all the much about highschool, and caring more about being a smartass. In grade 11 I made the life choice to become straight edge, it wouldn't last. That same year I spent I week in London England, it was a lot of fun and I really really really want to go back. I graduated highschool in 2006. I spent a few minutes being really sad that I was done, and immediately got over it. The summer of 2006 was a good one, I made my first real punk rock roadtrip to PEI with a bunch of friends. I had the single best week of my entire life right near the end of that summer, nothing has topped it yet. That was the summer that I really really started to appreciate Bruce Springsteen.

That fall I started university and started a band. After three months of learning about what a bunch of books meant, and having to hear a bunch of people ramble about a bunch of things I didn't care about, I started getting antsy. The combination of these things, along with the song "For Exes" by Crime in Stereo, and Ryan Allen's shit or get off the pot speech lead to me quitting university after one semester. Spending a semester at Dalhousie taught me a valuable lesson in how to make anything I write/say seem convincing and legitimate. Seasonal depression/general remorse set in after about a week, and I started back into my campaign of feeling like shit. Within 3 weeks of dropping out of school, I broke the edge (and lost your trust). It was a decision that I stand by. My reasons for being edge in highschool were legitimate then but really began to lose a lot of meaning to me. I spent the next 3 months bumming around and doing nothing of any real value, for the most part, I made excuses up for not doing anything. I had a girlfriend for the first time ever.

In April of 2007 being a smart ass finally caught up with me and I got beat up pretty bad. It was kind of a wake up call, within a month of getting beaten up, I had found my first full time job. In July of 2007 I moved out of my parents house to become an adult, it hasn't happened yet. I went to Montreal a few times, drank a few beers, changed jobs, had a good summer.

This past September I started back in school, at the NSCC Dartmouth Waterfront Campus taking the Music Business program. For the first time in the history of my life I care about my education. My teacher is a man who I've known for over three years because of messageboards, it's a strange situation. Since starting school my eyes have been opened to a lot of different things. While in Liverpool Nova Scotia I had a moment of clarity wherein the rest of my life appeared before me and everything kinda almost made sense. Since that vision of divinity I've been pretty inspired/ambitious and just generally optimistic. For the first time ever in my entire life I have a pretty good sense of who I am, and have a good feeling about where I'll be a few years down the road.

This month I started a blog and drank a lot of egg nog. Christmas is in like 4 days, and I don't feel ready or anything like that. I've opted to only get presents for 2 people this year, which makes me feel like kind of a bum, but I think everyone understands.

I love you all


-Andrew

I Just Remembered

What I like about winter, the fact that snow falling is the single most beautiful serene thing imaginable. Everything about it rules. I find it amazing that somehow, the fact that snow is falling so quietly seems to make everything else seem that much quieter, it's like God pressing a finger to his lips and staring at the world.

I'm going to walk to the mall.

-A

So I'm in School Right Now.

I'm watching Eastlink try to shoot an opener for a re-run, they've had at least twenty takes so far, it looks frustrating, I'm glad I don't have to do that.

Christmas break is proving boring, at best. I managed to get all three guitar tracks recorded and mixed for one of the songs from my super secret solo project, I think the next two weeks will prove a valuable opportunity to finish this little project I've started.

The downside of downtime is that it allows your mind to wander. It's kinda funny how no matter how much you think you've matured, and how much you think you've gotten over certain insecurities, that there are still days where you can't help feel like a dumb sixteen year old kid again (not that all sixteen year olds are dumb, but I definitely was). Despite trying to keep an open mind about everything, and trying to be forward thinking and rational I still manage to find myself falling into the same patterns and routines that I've been falling into for the past 3 or 4 years, old habits die hard I guess.

I think I can break all my silly little mental blocks down into two main categories...

Firstly: I'm incredibly insecure, I make up for this in either one of two ways. The first way I do this is by acting high and mighty and generally acting like I'm better than people, I recognize this as a problem and a source of animosity towards me. Can I break free from doing this? Maybe, maybe not. The other way I deal with this is by just making a complete ass of myself, which seems to be happening more and more lately, it sucks too. Generally speaking I think I just assume that people dislike or are otherwise annoyed by me in some way and the end result is that I try to hard, or don't try at all. Weak sauce.

Secondly:I romanticize preconceived ideas that I have about things, this is especially apparent with people. I tend to get ideas in my head about what people are like, and when someone doesn't meet my weird unfounded expectations I get really let down. I think this is due in part to having an overactive imagination, and in investing myself too fully into things that realistically don't make a lot of sense.

Clearly I'm just rambling, right?

-Andrew

Just to round out the evening.

I've been feeling really linguistically inspired lately, I'm trying to get some sort of solo act put together. I really feel like I don't have a firm enough grasp on music as a language though, wish is something I'd definitely like to improve on. I kinda think I'm a pretty ok writer, and a lot of that has to do with my understanding of English as a language, so by the same merit, I feel like I'd be able to write music really well if I had even the slightest idea as to how it works. I'm fully aware that there is no real science or methodology to writing music, that's foolish to believe, but there is a logic behind it that I'm just not in tune with.

I'm not sure if that's entirely a bad thing though. It's almost like a possess a primal innocence, like a baby learning to speak.

When am I gonna get over this shit?

-Andrew

The Shape Of Jazz To Come

Lies in outer space.

SPACE JAZZ

This is nothing.

Happenstance makes slaves of us all and certain things remain out of your control despite all your best efforts. I bought a shirt today. I love my friends.

-Andrew

Re: Christmas

When I was like 9 or 10, around the time when I sort of started to realize that Santa Claus was this really elaborate hoax (I wasn't bitter about it) I had a sort of crisis of conscious wherein I didn't really understand the importance or even the need for Christmas. It was around this time that I saw an animated Christmas Special on TV called a Cosmic Christmas. The whole thing centres around these three aliens who are visiting a small town (in secret)in order to learn about Christmas. I won't spoil the entire plot, instead, I invite you to watch it. When I was a young kid, this special meant a lot to me, and it still hits me in such a weird way. I know it's not much, but consider this, in a way, my gift to all of you.



I hope you enjoyed it.

-Andrew

All of the sudden...

Everyone at the party had turned into like, vampires or some shit like that. I had a cool gun and a mandolin that a man with one leg gave me. The vampires' weakness was sunlight, and only some of them tried to eat me, the rest were quite pleasant.

What does this mean?

Last night was pretty surreal and weird. Here is a diagram I drew to detail how weird it was.




I know that really doesn't tell anyone anything (does anyone even read this?) but as far as I'm concerned it is an accurate representation of Friday.


Tonight was amazing, I love Halifax. I feel kinda like I'm going to lose my voice and vomit in one fell swoop.

Things are good, my Christmas beard is a couple of days along now, and is noticeably cool. I'm pretty excited on having no real commitments for almost three weeks, as much as I'll miss being in school (what?), it'll be awesome to not have anything to worry about. Maybe I'll take up a hobby, like painting or baking or origami. More than likely I'll just sleep a lot.

Animals are also awesome

AAAAAAHH

Hey so.

I realize that Christmas means a lot of different things to different people, and this year Christmas means something a little bit different to me. Being my first Christmas out of the nest, I feel a little bit awkward, kind of alone. I have all the normal luxuries of my parents house, advent calendar, Christmas music, fireplace DVD ripped to my laptop, I even have the little dollar store tree that I keep up year round for posterity. Despite all this though, it doesn't really feel like Christmas. I'm a little bit unsure as to why this is, is it just a sign that I'm getting older? Am I more jaded than I have been during previous holiday season (I don't think I'm jaded, by the way)? Or is it the being away from my family? In any case I'm planning on spending a good four or five days at Chateau Neville over my break from community college, I don't spend anywhere near the appropriate amount of time at home with my family, and this will be a good make up.

On a related note I've dedicated myself to not shaving until after I return to school in January, seeing as it's winter, I feel that a beard is absolutely necessary for warmth/aesthetics/food storage.

After a comment from a friend of mine on Monday, I've begun to feel like I'm placing myself into a vicious cycle of guilt and worry, which in turn has me feeling guilty and worried, which makes me just feel more...and so on and so on. I've always thought that I was pretty easy going but now that I stand back a few feet and look at myself, I think I may have been wrong all these years.

Anyway, I have to eat lunch and go to work. So I leave you with this a woodcutting of the nativity, woodcuttings are cool as hell.