When I Was a Little Kid

| 1/9/08
I used to have a problem with reoccurring nightmares. All of these nightmares revolved around the same man, he was a tall pale man with scraggly who somehow would find his way into my bedroom. For the most part, there were two different dreams.

In one of them, he would strangle me until I managed to push him away long enough to run. I would instinctively run into my parent's room and hide under my bed. While under the bed I always noticed that the TV was on and, fearing he would see the cathode glow, would turn it off. Turning the TV off would make him aware of my location and he'd find and kill me. In the second dream he would have a big western-y coat on and have a pack of dogs with him, I would be hiding somewhere in my room and eventually the dogs would find me, and he'd finish me.

I've gone the last twelve years without having either of these dreams. Last night while lying in bed I looked to my right and saw the face in my closet, I was paralyzed, couldn't make a sound, move a muscle or close my eyes, it just stared me down. When I finally broke the stare I noticed there were rats all at the foot of my bed and threw off my blankets and screamed, at which point the dream ended.

I didn't really fall back to sleep and now I'm nervous.


This is a joke, I'm a genius

| 1/7/08
Sometimes getting back in the saddle and getting off your g-d-f'n high horse are more closely related then you might think. Seeing as it's the new year I've made up some potential living strategies (not resolutions) that will help me in the coming year. I think that maybe I've hit the part of my life where I need to start acting like an adult instead of like whatever I've been acting like. I've been holding fast to 16 but it's getting boring.

I've spent the last three weeks essentially doing nothing, like literally, three weeks of nothing.. During this brief period of purposelessness I came to realize something about myself, as much as I try to pretend that I'm spontaneous and fun and some sort of free spirit little punk rock shit disturber I really just crave consistency and routine, that sucks. I'm sure if super cool super idealistic 15 year old me heard me saying this he'd probably make fun of me and call me a sell out.

Last week the most important band of my teenage years ceased to be. In it's own way, I think this marks a rite of passage for me, we'll see though.

Ugh ugh.

I bought a candle last night, and some toothpaste (it was on sale) and some cough syrup. I feel accomplished, watch out world.

Wishing for the days
When I first wore this suit
Baby has grown older,
It's no longer cute
Too many voices
They've made me mute
Baby has grown ugly,
It's no longer cute

But I stay on, I stay on
Where do I get off?
On to greener pastures
The core has gotten soft

Look at us today
We've gotten soft and fat
Waiting for the moment,
It's just no coming back
So serious
About the stuff we lack
Dwell upon our memories
But there are no facts

Today marks....

| 1/5/08
The sixth day in a row that I've slept until 1 in the afternoon, this is a troubling trend. I think I've just totally lost any motivation to wake up at all.


Just great.

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