I'm not dwelling so much on specific events as I am on specific moods/feelings/ideas. Quitting my job was kind of the first big launch off to war for the week, and kinda set the tone for everything to follow. For the first time in my life, I'm completely unsure what's going to happen to me, I have just enough money put aside to pay my rent from now until June, after that I'm really really really hoping that the combination of education and nepotism come through for me. The idea of being unemployed is entirely fucking radical though.
This week was full of spending time with my friends, which is something I'd been neglecting a lot lately, so I'm glad I had that. Making new friends is awesome, and I established some things with some people this week that I'm happy about. I also got to see one of the best speaking engagements ever as given by KRS-One, he talked a lot about Newtonian Mechanics and Quantum Physics and God and how they all relate to hip-hop, it was pretty amazing.
This was also one of those weeks when you want really hard to be able to be there for people, but as a dumb kid you have no real way to. I have this problem where I want to be able to be supportive, but I'm so passive aggressive and shy and awkward that I never really know how to be. My great-aunt died this past Friday, which really put a damper on my entire weekend. Knowing how much it upset my grandmother made is a lot worse.
Speaking of family, I think I fully realized how awesome and supportive and generous my family and friends are. I don't think that a person is defined solely by the company he/she keeps, but rather by the strength of the relationships they form. I think the people in my life are the most worthwhile thing I have going for me, if you're reading this, you know who you are, you know I love you, and you don't know how much I really do appreciate everything you do.
Tomorrow I'm going to go back to school, I'm a bit worried that I'm not doing that well. The next month has to be me trying as hard as I possibly can to do as well as I possibly can. April is going to be the month I really try hard to grow up. Holding on to being sixteen, despite what John Mellencamp thinks, probably isn't the best thing for everyone.
I need to make an Easter mix cd for my Easter party. I think it's going to be the following songs, in no order....
Vince Guaraldi Trio - Linus and Lucy Sonic Youth - Do You Believe in Rapture Modest Mouse - Jesus Christ Was An Only Child Nas - The Cross Wilco - Jesus Etc