January 17

| 1/23/09
I had been sick early in the day, and stayed in bed until about 4 pm. Never the less it was Jamie Murray's birthday and had to haul on down to the Boston Pizza to celebrate my friends birthday. It may have been the flu that made me especially tired, or it was the painkillers in combination with the half litre of wine I decided to order, but a $30 meal later and Boston Pizza had me beat. I was unfortunately too tired to make it to Retro Night. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was being on speaker phone at the Almon Street party...

Ryan Allen:
"Hey Mike Locke, what's the most offensive word you know?"

I wasn't ready for Mike Locke's response, I don't think any of us were.


When I was in the first grade, we had to keep a journal every day, the journal wasn't much, just usually a picture followed by a loosely thrown together sentence (I was 6). It was with this journal that I for the first time ever outwardly had shown any kind of interest in a girl. I drew a picture which I titled "Me and Ruby holding hands", the picture was in fact myself and a girl from my first grade class holding hands. I remember being teased by my classmates over this entry and in the end I think I scribbled over the entire page to try and hide it. This was my first brush with real embarrassment and would set the tone for the next 14 years of my life. I can trace this one drawing and it's accompanying sentence as the root of all my insecurities when it comes to girls and relationships.


I was still reeling from those two words that Mike Locke had strung together, I almost feel like that one moment was the culmination of all the day's events. Within a few minutes though, I would be happily asleep.

On the topic of black sheep.

| 1/19/09
The only thing that holds me back from excelling in life is my own lack of determination and my own fear of failure. I have come to terms with this fact, it weighs me down, makes me feel like shit consistently, and yet still I do nothing to change my station in life.

I am selfish. I feel entitled. I feel as though everything should be handed to me and that for some reason the world is indebted to me. I'm not sure where I get this ideology from, my parents are both motivated hard working people, they raised me to be humble and earnest and to appreciate that value of work.

After a good talk tonight, and much ado about everything, I think I realize that if not to myself, I atleast owe it to my parents to try and make something with what I have been handed, and generally just stop feeling so fucking sorry for myself.

There's no one but me in the streets of my hometown.
I've already said too much.
I'm all lovesick for endless broken white lines.
And I say to all the young wild ones...
For you...
Yeah on your way up...
The world isn't against you, my dear, it just doesn't care.


| 1/12/09
None of those things were accomplished.

To Do List: January 12 2009

| 1/11/09
1. Clean room.
2. Make a long blog post
3. Get paid

First of the gang with a gun in his hand

| 1/9/09
I just over 7 weeks, I will be seeing Morrissey.

Jesus Christ.

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