I'll tell you stage dives...

| 12/30/07

Make me feel more alive
Than coded messages in slowed down songs

This was one of those weekends that reaffirmed a lot for me. I love this city, I love this scene. I'm content. When I look back at my teenage years some day, when I'm old, Risky Business will without a doubt stand out as the single most important band of this part of my life. I honestly have no idea where I'd be in life or anything without that band.Thank you Mike, Dave, Mike, Ian and JD, you guys opened up my eyes to something that I will be a part of for the rest of my life, Risky Business meant the entire world to me.

In other non hardcore related news...

I'm moving back to Willow. The rent is a little bit higher but it's totally worth the convenience of being really close to everything I do. I'm pleased with it. Christmas was good, just getting home for a few days and having no real commitments was really nice. I went to midnight mass, this was the first time I had ever done this. It was kind of cool, but I couldn't hep but feel awkward sitting there alone.

I'm really tired, I lost my voice, and I think I sprained my ankle. Life rules.


The boys of the NYPD choir

| 12/24/07
Were singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

Articles of Faith

| 12/23/07

On my way home from work today, I got stopped on the street by Mormons. The two of them asked me lots of questions about the meaning of life and my personal beliefs on God and creation and stuff like that. These are things that I've spent the last four or five years not really caring about. I've always had a deeply personal idea of what God means, and I've always been aware of the place that God has in my life. Conceptually I am comforted by the idea that something exists that is greater than me. I like the idea of faith. The main point of contention between these young men and myself was without a doubt "proof" of God existing. I don't think that any one person or group of people should say whether or not God definitely exists. Faith in something that is logically impossible is really the most important part of any spiritual belief, and shouldn't face jurisdiction from any kind of anecdotal evidence.

I hate Christmas break.

Last night I came to realize something that I've sort of forgotten about over the last nine or so months. I think this marks an important step in my life where I've gotten over romanticizing ideas in my head. I'm glad I'm back.


(This was a shitty entry)


It is now 7:11 on Christmas Eve, I've decided that to further my search for something I will go to Church of my own accord tonight for the first time probably ever.

Will blog with findings.


What A Prude!!

| 12/22/07

Seriously Dave? You're forcing a belief system on a bunch of rodents, then giving them presents for something they don't understand and really have no part of, THEN GETTING ANGRY WHEN THEY OPEN THEM EARLY.

You're a real piece of work Dave.

A real piece of work.


I Think Pitchfork is kinda lame.

| 12/20/07
I was born on the fifth of June, 1988, in Sydney Cape Breton, a happy healthy 7 pound bundle of fun. When I was 7 my family packed our lives into a truck and looked towards the golden land of Halifax. I spent elementary school being an awkward fat nerdy kid who acted obnoxiously to get over being an awkward fat nerdy kid. When I was 11 I discovered Weezer. When I was 12 I discovered Blink 182. I spent a brief period of time in grade 7 listening to a lot of shitty shitty shitty rap rock and nu-metal. In Grade 8 I heard Black Flag for the first time, and then a few months later saw the video for "Invalid Litter Dept." by At The Drive-In on Much Music. That one song changed all the preconceptions I had about music. I started playing bass. I 'm still not very good at it. I started playing guitar the next year, once again, not very good.

In highschool I became fully immersed in music, and eventually wormed my way into the local scene thanks to a handful of people who were really receptive and welcoming to a fat awkward nerdy teenager. I spent the rest of highschool not caring all the much about highschool, and caring more about being a smartass. In grade 11 I made the life choice to become straight edge, it wouldn't last. That same year I spent I week in London England, it was a lot of fun and I really really really want to go back. I graduated highschool in 2006. I spent a few minutes being really sad that I was done, and immediately got over it. The summer of 2006 was a good one, I made my first real punk rock roadtrip to PEI with a bunch of friends. I had the single best week of my entire life right near the end of that summer, nothing has topped it yet. That was the summer that I really really started to appreciate Bruce Springsteen.

That fall I started university and started a band. After three months of learning about what a bunch of books meant, and having to hear a bunch of people ramble about a bunch of things I didn't care about, I started getting antsy. The combination of these things, along with the song "For Exes" by Crime in Stereo, and Ryan Allen's shit or get off the pot speech lead to me quitting university after one semester. Spending a semester at Dalhousie taught me a valuable lesson in how to make anything I write/say seem convincing and legitimate. Seasonal depression/general remorse set in after about a week, and I started back into my campaign of feeling like shit. Within 3 weeks of dropping out of school, I broke the edge (and lost your trust). It was a decision that I stand by. My reasons for being edge in highschool were legitimate then but really began to lose a lot of meaning to me. I spent the next 3 months bumming around and doing nothing of any real value, for the most part, I made excuses up for not doing anything. I had a girlfriend for the first time ever.

In April of 2007 being a smart ass finally caught up with me and I got beat up pretty bad. It was kind of a wake up call, within a month of getting beaten up, I had found my first full time job. In July of 2007 I moved out of my parents house to become an adult, it hasn't happened yet. I went to Montreal a few times, drank a few beers, changed jobs, had a good summer.

This past September I started back in school, at the NSCC Dartmouth Waterfront Campus taking the Music Business program. For the first time in the history of my life I care about my education. My teacher is a man who I've known for over three years because of messageboards, it's a strange situation. Since starting school my eyes have been opened to a lot of different things. While in Liverpool Nova Scotia I had a moment of clarity wherein the rest of my life appeared before me and everything kinda almost made sense. Since that vision of divinity I've been pretty inspired/ambitious and just generally optimistic. For the first time ever in my entire life I have a pretty good sense of who I am, and have a good feeling about where I'll be a few years down the road.

This month I started a blog and drank a lot of egg nog. Christmas is in like 4 days, and I don't feel ready or anything like that. I've opted to only get presents for 2 people this year, which makes me feel like kind of a bum, but I think everyone understands.

I love you all


I Just Remembered

What I like about winter, the fact that snow falling is the single most beautiful serene thing imaginable. Everything about it rules. I find it amazing that somehow, the fact that snow is falling so quietly seems to make everything else seem that much quieter, it's like God pressing a finger to his lips and staring at the world.

I'm going to walk to the mall.


So I'm in School Right Now.

| 12/18/07
I'm watching Eastlink try to shoot an opener for a re-run, they've had at least twenty takes so far, it looks frustrating, I'm glad I don't have to do that.

Christmas break is proving boring, at best. I managed to get all three guitar tracks recorded and mixed for one of the songs from my super secret solo project, I think the next two weeks will prove a valuable opportunity to finish this little project I've started.

The downside of downtime is that it allows your mind to wander. It's kinda funny how no matter how much you think you've matured, and how much you think you've gotten over certain insecurities, that there are still days where you can't help feel like a dumb sixteen year old kid again (not that all sixteen year olds are dumb, but I definitely was). Despite trying to keep an open mind about everything, and trying to be forward thinking and rational I still manage to find myself falling into the same patterns and routines that I've been falling into for the past 3 or 4 years, old habits die hard I guess.

I think I can break all my silly little mental blocks down into two main categories...

Firstly: I'm incredibly insecure, I make up for this in either one of two ways. The first way I do this is by acting high and mighty and generally acting like I'm better than people, I recognize this as a problem and a source of animosity towards me. Can I break free from doing this? Maybe, maybe not. The other way I deal with this is by just making a complete ass of myself, which seems to be happening more and more lately, it sucks too. Generally speaking I think I just assume that people dislike or are otherwise annoyed by me in some way and the end result is that I try to hard, or don't try at all. Weak sauce.

Secondly:I romanticize preconceived ideas that I have about things, this is especially apparent with people. I tend to get ideas in my head about what people are like, and when someone doesn't meet my weird unfounded expectations I get really let down. I think this is due in part to having an overactive imagination, and in investing myself too fully into things that realistically don't make a lot of sense.

Clearly I'm just rambling, right?


Just to round out the evening.

| 12/16/07
I've been feeling really linguistically inspired lately, I'm trying to get some sort of solo act put together. I really feel like I don't have a firm enough grasp on music as a language though, wish is something I'd definitely like to improve on. I kinda think I'm a pretty ok writer, and a lot of that has to do with my understanding of English as a language, so by the same merit, I feel like I'd be able to write music really well if I had even the slightest idea as to how it works. I'm fully aware that there is no real science or methodology to writing music, that's foolish to believe, but there is a logic behind it that I'm just not in tune with.

I'm not sure if that's entirely a bad thing though. It's almost like a possess a primal innocence, like a baby learning to speak.

When am I gonna get over this shit?


The Shape Of Jazz To Come

Lies in outer space.


This is nothing.

Happenstance makes slaves of us all and certain things remain out of your control despite all your best efforts. I bought a shirt today. I love my friends.


Re: Christmas

| 12/15/07
When I was like 9 or 10, around the time when I sort of started to realize that Santa Claus was this really elaborate hoax (I wasn't bitter about it) I had a sort of crisis of conscious wherein I didn't really understand the importance or even the need for Christmas. It was around this time that I saw an animated Christmas Special on TV called a Cosmic Christmas. The whole thing centres around these three aliens who are visiting a small town (in secret)in order to learn about Christmas. I won't spoil the entire plot, instead, I invite you to watch it. When I was a young kid, this special meant a lot to me, and it still hits me in such a weird way. I know it's not much, but consider this, in a way, my gift to all of you.

I hope you enjoyed it.


All of the sudden...

Everyone at the party had turned into like, vampires or some shit like that. I had a cool gun and a mandolin that a man with one leg gave me. The vampires' weakness was sunlight, and only some of them tried to eat me, the rest were quite pleasant.

What does this mean?

Last night was pretty surreal and weird. Here is a diagram I drew to detail how weird it was.

I know that really doesn't tell anyone anything (does anyone even read this?) but as far as I'm concerned it is an accurate representation of Friday.

Tonight was amazing, I love Halifax. I feel kinda like I'm going to lose my voice and vomit in one fell swoop.

Things are good, my Christmas beard is a couple of days along now, and is noticeably cool. I'm pretty excited on having no real commitments for almost three weeks, as much as I'll miss being in school (what?), it'll be awesome to not have anything to worry about. Maybe I'll take up a hobby, like painting or baking or origami. More than likely I'll just sleep a lot.

Animals are also awesome

| 12/12/07


Hey so.

I realize that Christmas means a lot of different things to different people, and this year Christmas means something a little bit different to me. Being my first Christmas out of the nest, I feel a little bit awkward, kind of alone. I have all the normal luxuries of my parents house, advent calendar, Christmas music, fireplace DVD ripped to my laptop, I even have the little dollar store tree that I keep up year round for posterity. Despite all this though, it doesn't really feel like Christmas. I'm a little bit unsure as to why this is, is it just a sign that I'm getting older? Am I more jaded than I have been during previous holiday season (I don't think I'm jaded, by the way)? Or is it the being away from my family? In any case I'm planning on spending a good four or five days at Chateau Neville over my break from community college, I don't spend anywhere near the appropriate amount of time at home with my family, and this will be a good make up.

On a related note I've dedicated myself to not shaving until after I return to school in January, seeing as it's winter, I feel that a beard is absolutely necessary for warmth/aesthetics/food storage.

After a comment from a friend of mine on Monday, I've begun to feel like I'm placing myself into a vicious cycle of guilt and worry, which in turn has me feeling guilty and worried, which makes me just feel more...and so on and so on. I've always thought that I was pretty easy going but now that I stand back a few feet and look at myself, I think I may have been wrong all these years.

Anyway, I have to eat lunch and go to work. So I leave you with this a woodcutting of the nativity, woodcuttings are cool as hell.

This guy...

| 12/11/07

The King is dead, long live the King.

America, What's Wrong With R Kelly?

| 12/10/07
Abso-fuckin'-lutely nothin.

do I know your friend who?at a club?
who was there? girl I wouldnt
wait a minute, calm down
I was at the club with who?
get tha fuck...man, u know what

Girl Im not about to sit up here and argue with you about who's to blame
I call no names, real talk
see girl, only thing im trying to establish with you is not
who's right or who's wrong, but what's right and what's wrong,
real talk
just because your friend say she saw me at a club with some other bitches
sitting in VIP smoking and drinking and kicking it, tell me girl

did she say there were other guys there?
did she say there were other guys there?
were there other guys there?
well, tell me this

how the fuck she knew I was with them other girls then
when the whole club packed wait a minute let me finish what I've got to say
i've been with you five years and you listening to your motherfucking girlfriends
I dont know why you fuck with them all jealous no man havin ass hoes anyway
real talk
alway accusing me of some old bullshit when Im just trying to have a good time
Robert you did this, Kells I heard you did that

dont you think i got enough bullshit on my mind
real talk, hold hold up
didnt I just give you money to go get yours hair, toes and nails done the other day, hmm
yeah your ass was smiling then
real talk, oh
gave who some damn money?
I aint gave nobody no damn money girl?
is you twikning?
you see what your problem is,
you're always running of at the mouth telling your girls your motherfucking business, when
they dont eat with us, they dont sleep with us, besides
what they eat dont make us shit
real talk
you call my mommas house and what?
girl my momma aint gotta screen no calls for me
real talk, and watch your mouth
fuck me? girl fuck you!
I dont give a fuck about what you're talking about
Im sick of this bullshit im coming home and getting my shit and gettin tha fuck up out in a dodge
you aint gotta worry about me no more
and the next time your ass get horny
go fuck one of your funky ass friends
hell yeah, you probably doing that shit anyway
you gonna burn what?
bitch I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes
with your triflin ass, milton, you bogus girl, milton
start your ....up and get ready to take me home,
this bitch then lost her motherfucking mind

This Is My First Real Entry

I think a lot, I have a lot to say, I don't always have the nerve/means to say what's on my mind. I'm hoping that this blog will become an outlet for me both creatively and emotionally. A way to vent my worries and ease my concerns, and possibly a way to offer the rest of the world a glimpse into my head. If by some chance anything I say strikes you or touches you in some deeply personal way, I'd like to hear about it.

I'm here for you.

Firstly I've reached a crossroads at my life. I'm standing at the edge of adulthood and peering down. It's more like a waterfall than a cliff, maybe I'll dive into the river below, maybe I'll land on the rocks, who knows. Long story short, I feel like I'm either doing a lot of things right, and like I should be super pleased with myself, or like I'm a total and complete utter fuck up, OR like maybe there is some middle ground. Broad no? I guess I have no real way by which to judge my real life progress at this point. Ok? Ok? I dunno!

I spend too much time on the internet.

I'm not a team player

New Comforter

So warm.

So warm.

My bed looks huge now, it's a total optical illusion. Being warm rules.

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